Skydiving in Buffalo

13,000 feet in the air, my leg dangling out the door, it hit me that I was about to fling myself out of a plane. Before my mind had time to process any fear, my instructor had pushed us out of the opening.

Let me backtrack.

As a gift a few months back, my Dad gave me a GPS. I am not one for directions and GPS’s annoy me, especially that voice saying “turn left now” 5 times in a row. I asked him to return it and decided we would go on an adventure. First, we played with the idea of a Nascar Driving Experience. Unfortunately, there isn’t one located in Buffalo. Finally, we settled on Skydiving.

We found a great local place in Newfane, Frontier Skydivers. The atmosphere and people were … well, fantastic. What a life they lead! Many of them have rearranged their lives to revolve around the next jump. Work during the day, jump in the afternoon, relax with beer and friends at night. Relaxed and completely centered around catching that next adrenaline rush.

Suited up in my pink parachute outfit, I was ready to go. My instructor, Larry, was exactly what I needed. He explained the important stuff and didn’t get caught up in the detail. More of a “go with the flow” kinda guy, much like me. I didn’t want to ask questions or get bombarded with detail … I wanted to jump!

One at a time, the single jumpers fell out of the plane until finally, Larry & I were left. Left leg first, right leg underneath and suddenly I was sitting out the door of a plane. What a rush!

We did a few flips in the air then evened out … free falling at 120 mph for 60 seconds. It felt like we were floating. He gave me the signal to pull the ripcord and we were suddenly flung back into the air as the parachute opened.

The cool part was that there are handles attached to the parachute which enables you to direct where you go. Pull down on one side for a few seconds and you start spinning in circles.

It was an experience like no other. I will be chasing that high always!

I can’t wait to go back and am determined to take training classes to receive my license to jump solo. Even if you’re not the adventurous type … live outside the box! Do something a little different – and this is DEFINITELY something everyone should do.

The Fight Against Cancer

I don’t believe in regret. Despite all of the silly, stupid, senseless things I may have done (and will probably do) in my life, I refuse to let regret rule my emotions. However, there is one thing I do regret … and it haunts me everyday.

The summer before my junior year of High School, my Mother was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. This also happened to be the same summer my teenage rebellious streak hit full force. I spent the summer and much of the school year sneaking out of the house, stealing the family van and in detention … or suspension. I cut class, lied, fought with my family and talked back to everyone and anyone.

I took advantage of the state my Mother was in. Even as I write this now, I am fighting back tears because it’s the one thing I hate about myself. I snuck out when she was too weak to come after me because of chemotherapy. When she tried to discipline me, I told her I hated her. She had CANCER.

I can’t believe I am admitting this to the world.

Years later, my Mother is my best friend. Despite how I acted, she fought to bring me back to the person she knew I was and could be. She beat her cancer and she helped me fight inner demons at the same time. She is the strongest, most inspirational person that I know. No matter what life throws at her, she bounces back with a smile and spring in her step. I look to her for advice on almost everything, even though I don’t always want to listen. I couldn’t imagine living life without her by my side and on my team.

Mom, I love you. I’m so sorry. Thank you for being my real life superhero.

Cancer is something that we are all affected by in one way or another. I full heartedly support any fundraisers that come my way surrounding this subject. Roswell Park Cancer Institute is doing wonderful things here in Buffalo, NY and they could not continue without the support of our community.

Jessica Manocchio, a PR professional who works in my office, is participating in Team Cure Challenge. This is a fundraising effort nationwide to help raise money for Cancer Institutes. After being personally affected, she has dedicated many hours into raising money and will be running in the Team Cure Challenge in Tahoe. They will represent Buffalo as “The Running Buffaloes.”

Currently, they are halfway to their goal of $8,000. Please read her story here and consider donating to this wonderful cause. Her team is also raffling off Buffalo Bills tickets to raise money! Click here for more information and the chance to win! Even if you don’t win the tickets, you are helping win the fight against cancer.

One of out three American’s will be diagnosed with cancer sometime in their life. Let’s work together and fight for a cure!

Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. I began reading chapter books in first grade and soon earned the token bookworm nickname. (I really thought it was cool though, that I could read that well ... especially since it was "suggested" I attend pre-k). In 4th grade, our teacher gave us an in class reading assignment and I finished so quickly, she didn't believe I actually read it. She gave me a pop quiz and I aced it. In your face Ms. Dawson!

I read all different genres; fiction and non-fiction, action and adventure, girly feel good, memoirs ... you name it. Of late, I have been reading a lot of memoirs dealing with substance abuse. Families with members going through it, personal experiences, rehabs ... everything.

I find it odd that I am attracted to this subject. It's not something I or anyone in my family has ever suffered through. Some of these books are physically and emotionally painful to read. 75% of the time I am crying while reading them. If you have ever even thumbed through the book "A Million Little Pieces" you know what I mean.

So why the attraction?

There is something very raw and real about this subject matter. It cuts through the BS of life and takes you to the hardships, emotions and situations everyone encounters. It connects me with feelings I never knew I had.

Incidentally, I am also reading a book called "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" right now. This book discusses how America has become so obsessed with pop culture that people have begun identifying themselves and their personalities with those they see emulated in the media. My first eye opening experience to this was when I realized that relationships aren't supposed to be like the ones you see on sitcoms. Watching Everybody Loves Raymond, I thought it was natural for couples to be constantly fighting and bickering ... how would I have known anything different? That is the type of relationship TV is constantly portraying.

So maybe this is the attraction I have to this odd genre of non-fiction. It's not because I am sickly sadistic and enjoy reading about other people's pain. Maybe it's because we are so surrounded with molded personalities and feelings that it forces me to wash them away and reconnect to real life.

What happens when The Big Bang Theory & Commencement speeches collide:

Larry died.

Larry dies at least once a month, but this time, I know he's not coming back ... my roommate tossed him in the garbage while I was away. She left his pot on the counter. Larry was my plant. The only living thing I have ever been entrusted with. And he ended up in the trash. Awesome. It was a *great* return from a truly *great* weekend.

Ever have one of those trips where everything that could go wrong, does? This weekend, my Mother & I took the 5 hour trip to Potsdam, NY to watch my little sister graduate from SUNY Potsdam.

It's appropriate that as I'm writing this I'm watching "Two and a Half Men" ... because besides seeing Sister graduate, Chuck Lorre was her commencement speaker.

Chuck Lorre is a producer & writer, currently known for The Big Band Theory, previously, Charles in Charge, Roxanne, Two and a Half Men and many others.

I didn't pay too much attention while the President was introducing him, I was busy trying to put feeling back into my toes.

He caught my attention though. His first words were "Is anyone Twittering, Blogging or Texting this speech?" and the theme was "personal reinvention, or how I stumbled ass backwards into a job where grammar was ignored and neurosis, fear, desperation, childhood wounds and mediocrity was richly rewarded"

Throughout the course of his speech I heard the words condom, sex, pissed, pubic hair, sex, wasted, drunk, asshole, dickhead and oh so many more. The ASL interpretor was doing a lot of finger spelling ... most of his language didn't translate any other way. He commented "Notre Dame had the President of the United States at their commencement. You have me ... that just goes to show, you get what you're willing to pay for."

A SUNY Potsdam student for 2 years before dropping out, he made sure to mention that he learned nothing and in retrospect was the biggest waste of time he'd ever spent. "This is sort of like revisiting the scene of a crime, the crime being that I learned nothing here. For me, Potsdam was two years wasted — with the emphasis on wasted."

There were a few nuggets of, inspiration, in his speech. Or as much as we were going to get. He encouraged students to look beyond the classroom, get out into the world and LEARN. "Smart by itself doesn't get the job done, but experience can kick Smart's butt so go out and start gaining it."

Chuck also said that the one thing he has learned is that in order to get anything in life, you first must be willing to give something.

How true.

Life ... relationships ... it's all a two way street. Be willing to open yourself to others. Share resources and knowledge. Introduce friends, fight for what you know is right. Educate, inform, LEARN! That is a key to success. (Ok, that is my own interpretation and most definitely not his, I think he might be angry to think someone could have taken something positive from that speech.)

So congratulations to my beautiful sister who is sure to go far in life.

And RIP Larry.

EDIT! You can now watch the full speech on YouTube here. Make sure to watch all 3 parts!

The Game of Life

This might be long & personal. I need to write. I won't hold it against you if you don't read it.

I think life is playing with me.

Right now life is going good, too good. I haven't been making any bad decisions, hurting any people or wandering around like a little lost disaster. Unless you count Christmas when I made my sister cry. That's another story, but really I was just trying to help her. My Uncle also recently passed, and while it is sad, I know it is for the better. He was struggling for almost 10 years with cancer, in great pain and I know he is in a better place, looking out for us. My Dad always said he was his "Protecter". RIP Uncle Mike (and Happy Birthday today)

Life is good. My job is wonderful, the people I work with are great and there is a lot of opportunity for me to explore myself and my strengths with the company. I am closer than ever with my Family, even my Dad who I have been slowly trying to forgive and rebuild a relationship with. My friends are also good, although I don't see them as often as I should ... having trouble with this work/life balance thing. I am finally over the X, ready to move on with my life and I think I might have even made a new friend out of it. Well not really a "new" friend. We got along fine before, but then I made one of my mistakes and yada yada. Think Seinfeld ... the yada yada always has a story. But I think we are OK now.

So what's wrong? The fact that nothing is going wrong has been eating away at me. I keep having this reoccuring, terrifying dream that all my teeth are falling out. I am stressed because I'm not stressed. How is that normal?? I must be broken.

In the back of my mind I'm waiting for the house of cards to come falling in around me. I'm walking on egg shells waiting for it to happen. Happen already!! Get it over with and let me start picking up the pieces. That is what I spent the first 23 years of my life doing, picking up pieces. It's what I'm comfortable with.

So ... I decided to get away to Florida for a few days.

I got lost in the BWI airport on the way down, no one told me I had an extra layover so I was looking for a flight that didn't exist. I managed not to sunburn, but used 70SPF the entire time. Well, my elbow and hand are suburned so I look a little strange. Also, I am horrible at packing and realized too late I didn't bring anything that actually matched. The flight home, the woman next to me sat half in my seat and slept the whole time. She didn't snore though (good thing right!?) she snorted. Best 3 hours of my life.

I also got a tattoo.

Impulsively, the friend I went down to visit called me and said "Let's get tattoo's, start thinking!" So I did ... the answer came easy. FAITH

People who know my whole life story, and all of the silly, young and stupid things I did, always expect me to have regret. At 23 I have lived through much more then anyone would imagine (even if you know me, you don't know it all trust me) Maybe I should. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I don't. I wouldn't be me without all of it. I would much rather have FAITH in myself, my life, who I am and the decisions I make, then have regret. You wouldn't want to live with regret tattooed on you would you!? It would look ridiculous.

So now, I have FAITH on my side, literally. <insert groan here>

I guess to overcome my anxiety about not having crisis in my life, I'll have to have faith that it will all work all like it's supposed to.

PS I really stink at Blog titles. Sorry.

Where's Your Big Picture?

So, it's been awhile. Life has been busy and crazy ... I'm loving it. I've decided to sit for my PHR in December and begin a Dual Master's degree program in January; MBA & Communications. Everything is great going ... except for one thing.

I have been having some sleep issues. Maybe non-sleep issues is a better word; I don't sleep.

This started when I moved into my first apartment. Imagine how excited I was-buying my own groceries, doing my own laundry ... I even got to wash my own dishes! Life was good. Little did I know, that I had also inherited some noisy nocturnal neighbors. They broke windows, kicked holes in the walls and pounded around until 6:00am most nights.

My Doctor put me on sleeping medication to help me survive the noise. It helped, but I still didn't sleep through the night. By the time my lease was up, my body had become so dependent on medicine that it forgot how to fall asleep on its own.

So I sought the help of a Hypnotist, Clay. Better yet, my Mom did. She was convinced that this would solve my insomnia. Last week I finished my sessions and am happy to say I have been sleeping sound for 2 weeks now.

Besides sleeping, Clay taught me an important lesson: Look for the Big Picture. When you hold a picture up to your eyes, you can only see a section at a time, blurry and unclear what it really is. The further your move it away, the clearer it becomes. You see the idea, the thought, the moment. You aren't surrounded by seemingly unconnected detail.

Sometimes life can be overwhelming. To-do lists grow, responsibilities increase and pressure mounds. Take a moment to step back and look at the big picture. Don't become so concentrated on one thing, you forget it, forget LIFE. Don't let the details hold you back. Keep moving, one step at a time, one to-do check at a time and the pieces will fall into place.

Is it Luck?

I have never been a lucky person. Scratch off's are wasted on me, my silent auction ticket number always goes uncalled and I have been hit 4 times by other cars while driving. BUT, my road to HR was ... lucky.

When I started college, I was going to be a Pharmacist. I failed Biology my first semester. Scratched that off the list.

I moved on to Interdisciplinary Studies with a concentration in Social Sciences. I'm pretty sure that they made that up. Before I had a chance to even figure out what it meant ... I switched to English. Writing was always something I enjoyed and I had a way with words. I won my little brother 3 scholarships writing his college essays/applications for him. (In retrospect, I should have demanded some loyalties for that) Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do with an English degree and I wasn't looking to be a Lawyer or a Teacher. So what was I going to do?

On a whim, I spoke to the Mom of one of my sister's friends. She worked in Human Resources, traveled the world and truly enjoyed what she did. After talking to Barb, I was hooked. HR was the way to go. I enrolled in the School of Management at UB and was ready to go.

The next Spring, I emailed her asking if there were any internship opportunities available at her office. Without hesitation, or looking at my resume (which was non-existant at the time) she offered me a paid internship. Barb didn't want me to mess around with paper pushing either. Her attitude was that I needed to learn something of value. Before I knew it I was creating Merit Increase spreadsheets, learning paygrades; min/target/max, helping implement a new HRIS system and facilitating open enrollment. (A month earlier to that, I told a Professor I didn't think I would need Excel skills ... silly me.)

I worked 3 jobs that summer. Interning 30 hours a week, Day Camp for 2 days, waitressing 5 nights and going to summer class twice a week. I was exhausted and terrified. Was real life going to be this hard?

The true experiences and value I took from that internship led me to get involved with the college chapter of SHRM. I was the Chapter Liaison in 2007-2008 school year and President until this past December when I graduated. This opened up many doors to me. I developed a Mentorship Program for our members and local HR Professionals and became involved in BNHRA, the Buffalo chapter of SHRM.

I was lucky enough to be hired full time after graduating into one of the the companies I interned with. It is a wonderful company, looking to strengthen and develop me. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

If there is one thing I wish college students understood, it is that while college is fun, it is also the time to set up your future. Don't wait until after graduating to think "Hmm maybe I should do something now". Be proactive about your future! People want to help, want to share and watch you grow.

Maybe luck has a little to do with it, but so does hard work and taking a chance. Reach out to professionals in your field ... someone will grab hold.

Meet "The Challenge Child"

When I was young, my parents affectionately referred to me as "The Challenge Child". This is a title that I worked hard for, and you bet that I earned every letter of it.

Up to age 4, I was outgoing, enthusiastic and CUTE. I could get away with anything because of my smile and charm. Or, so I'm told. It was the years following that really presented the challenge. In 1st grade, I cut my deskmates bangs. I told her that to get rid of them, you don't grow them out, you cut them. I left a trail of hair from the bathroom to my desk. It wasn't hard for the teacher to find the culprit.

My kindergarten report card said "Kelly needs to understand that the world does not revolve around her."

At 6, I convinced my sister that our blanket was a magic carpet. I opened the 2nd story window, knocked out the screen and was ready to push her out. Dad caught on just in time.

My first detention was in 3rd grade. I took ticky tack and put it in my teacher's hair. It got tangled and stuck, and he had to have the school nurse get it out with peanut butter. They sent a note home, but I stuffed it under the bus seat.

Between the ages of 8-13 the majority of family dinners ended with me eating at the bottom of the basement stairs alone. My parents have pages and pages of "I will not talk back" written on them. There are permanent marker drawings on the walls of our house. I constantly instigated drama in school, whined and threw tantrums.

I ran away at least once a month. This started when I was 5. I grabbed all the hangers I could fit into my little 5 year old hands and told my Mom I was going to wait for a bus. Now, we lived in the country. It was rare for a car to drive by, let alone a bus. My neighbor convinced me to go home, but I would only return under 1 condition. I was no longer "Kelly" from then on I was known as "Jennifer". Everything was new, I met a new Dad, raved about how beautiful my new bedroom was and adored the big backyard. I kept this up for 2 weeks.

I changed my name to Ming in 2nd grade.

Looking back, I laugh. I think "Wow, I was one fun little kid!" There is always humor in the past, but not when it's the present. Recently, me and my sister were talking about how we were raised and how we came to be so different. She graduated valedictorian, never in trouble, is 21 and never had a drink. She informed me that as a child, she did the exact opposite of everything I did. So I guess, in a way I am responsible for her success?

High school years hit me hard. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer and I fell into the "bad" crowd. I was constantly sneaking out, stealing the family car without a license, and in suspension. I was arrested and almost put on PINS. I have a permanent cigarette burn to remind me of the true pain I felt during this time. All the while, my Mom struggling through chemo. We didn't find out until later, but my Dad was falling in love with another woman at the same time as well.

I am made of tough stuff. This comes from my Mother. I may have to learn everything from my own mistakes, but it has made me the person I am today and fueled me to become the best that I possibly can. My experiences have forced me to look at the world for what it really is, figure out what I need to do and get it done. I am finally graduated, with a great job and some great people behind me.

This past Friday, I lent a friend $500, because she couldn't make her rent. Today I found out she is going to CA on vacation in a few weeks. Uh Oh ... here comes another one of those "hard lessons" ... stay tuned.